Be still and know (recognize, understand) that I am God. (Psalms 46:10 AMP)
If you read this blog regularly, you know that decision making is not one of my strong suits. Whether it’s due to an alcoholic father, the need to be good enough, fear of failing, or all them wrapped together in one anxiety-ridden ball, the ability to make decisions haunts me.
Really. I’m sixty. I should be over this.
Buckle up. Here goes nothing. This is the real me – unwrapped and uncensored.
Twenty hours a month to be president of MWA but how much time would I spend thinking about it and what do You think I should do can’t You text me it would be so much easier that way and no I don’t know why I want to do it other than the opportunity is there and what about my writing there’s not enough time for the writing especially with the chunk of time pulled out in the middle of the week to work and I’m not complaining Lord no I am not thank you for this job it’s perfect but it is a lot of time and I may not have much time left one of my classmates died in January that’s it for her over kaput done and what if that happens to me You gave me an idea for the next novel but I don’t know how to execute it and maybe I should just give it up and what if the idea isn’t from You anyway but it’s so cool so it has to be from You but please help me figure out the best way to tell the story it’s so interesting but maybe I should just write funny maybe that’s what I should be doing or not writing at all because I can’t really write and I’ll never succeed but wait I already have succeeded and been published and been told by people who should know that I can write so just be quiet self then there’s the cat and the operation and his age and the money what to do did You notice the heat pump sounds funny what if we have to repair that Lord I just don’t know what to do and I need You and I can never get myself quiet not anymore it’s too hard oh my head it’s going to explode.
It continues as I get in the car to drive to work. All the radio news stations – left, right, and middle – are on commercial. (It’s a conspiracy.) The Joel Osteen channel is taking callers. I prefer to hear him preach. In desperation, I flip to the Christian station and I hear these words by Jonny Diaz being sung.
Just breathe. Come and rest at My feet. And be, just be. Chaos calls, but all you really need is to just breathe.
I laugh out loud. The tension, that wrapped-tight-around-the-gut tension, melts away. God has got a sense of humor. And He didn’t even need to text me. ©