“Stalwart walks in step with God; his path blazed by God, he’s happy.
If he stumbles, he’s not down for long; God has a grip on his hand.” (Psalms 37:23, 24 MSG)
Transition is defined as the passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another, i.e. change. Transitions – birth, death, marriage, divorce, graduation, business changes – are difficult, pressure-filled, uncertain times.
Times, I am willing to admit, that I don’t like. Change, even positive change, is difficult for me
Sometimes I need a nudge, or a swift kick, out of the nest. It’s comfortable there, warm even. I may be miserable but at least it’s familiar.
This happened to me at work. I had not been happy, content, or at peace with my work circumstances in a few years. However, I remained stalwart by bolstering myself with Scriptures and strong lectures. “This is where God placed you Katherine, dog gone it. Do your best as unto Him.”
The last quarter of 2014 the situation at work became dicey and very uncertain for me. Everyone has experienced it. I couldn’t do anything right. I made mistake after mistake until even I wondered if I was subconsciously harming myself. I could not please my boss. There was no winning.
I recognized the signs. I was being forced out. My days with this particular organization were numbered.
I applied to positions within the company and externally. I asked to be rotated. I sought help. I talked with recruiters.
I was miserable, depressed, and totally stressed. My doctor upped my Zoloft prescription. Each day, I waited to see where I would fail. What, oh what, would it be today? Something I did or something I forgot to do or something I did last week that I thought was okay? I worked ten and twelve hour days and weekends to overcompensate. I’m an overachiever and I was trying with all my might to overachieve myself out of this hole I was stuck in.
At home, I was a vegetable. Candy Crush become my go to pacifier.
I prayed. I journaled. I cried. I talked with close friends until I’m certain they were tired of the subject – ME, my plight. Then the guilt. It wrapped itself around me like a cloak. I had a decent job, I made good money, and my family was well and prospering. What was the matter with me?
My sister told me I was in transition. God was moving me from one place to another.I heard, “He’s kicking me out of the nest. And He’s not forthcoming about the destination.”
“No,” she sighed with the utmost patience. “From one part of your life to the next part of your life. I’m excited for you and can’t wait to see where God is taking you. You’re in transition.”
That stopped me.
I knew about transition in childbirth. I had three children. It’s the most intense part. It marks the shift from the first stage of labor to the second. Every cell in the body is focused on dilating the cervix and moving the baby down the birth canal. The signs of transition are irritability, rudeness, confusion, nausea, trembling, hot and cold flashes, and lack of focus.
Add despair, uncertainty, and anger to the list and you’ve got me. A mess.
I didn’t know what was going to happen. I’d love to tell you I was faith-filled, Word-speaking woman trusting God hallelujah, but that would not be accurate. In truth, I was driving a car with very dim headlights. I could barely see the road let alone the destination.
But God could. He could see it all. Past, present, and future. All I had to do was take His hand and let Him pull me up. Though I fall, I will not be utterly cast down for the Lord grasps my hand, a strong arm to elbow grasp, in support and upholds me.